my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
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