I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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