Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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