I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
