Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
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I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
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THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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