I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
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