All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
