The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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