***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
