Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
