Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
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