ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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