im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
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It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
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So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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