I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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