I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You're like the curious george of whores
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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