Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
