Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
