never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
