I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
