we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
