She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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