Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
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