and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
