If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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