I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
