This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
