sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
