I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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