That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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