Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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