your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you had me at cake vodka
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
