My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize