Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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