Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
And the cops told us we were all naked.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
