I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
