you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
