you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
