My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
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Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
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We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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