You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
