this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
