2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
