did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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