his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
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She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
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