I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
not ubering you a puppy
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
