We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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