i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
