And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
