haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
