When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
