Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
porn star boner night. come get it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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