i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
