I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I am midnight drunk by noon
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
