haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
