saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
