So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
