oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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