my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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