i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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