I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
