I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
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Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
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Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
not ubering you a puppy