I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...