I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
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Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
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The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.