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Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
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