Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
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My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
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too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.