Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.