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ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I CAN MOONWALK!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
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