Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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