DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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