I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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