First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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