Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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