Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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