omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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