You can't motorboat a personality
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
