were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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