there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
